The Babysitter Fiasco
by Truth-of-a-Thousand-Lies
Summary: Ino's parents go to visit her uncle Pein Akatsuki leader for a year, and Deidara get's stuck babysitting a 17 year old girl. For a year. But why did Itachi get the job of doing the same with Sakura, and why did the Hokage agree to all this? R&R please!


Ino and Deidara… always been a favorite with me. Well…lets see where my mind takes me to this time. What shall I do to them. I guess read and find out. It'll be rough and rocking, fucking funny, tearfully sad, like a bad cliché romantic movie. But damn it, if you don't laugh your ass off, you can have my head on a golden platter.

-----

Ino looked up from the flowers she was arranging. It would be a damn long day. Damn long. Why? Well she didn't think she really had to start on explaining. It was a hundred freaking degrees outside, the sun was blaring, anything you wore was too warm for the weather, and she was stuck in an unconditioned flower shop the entire day. Parents being out on a long A class mission, Ino had the house to herself. However her ninja budget was getting low, and so was her hospital budget. The only other budget was the only common one in the family. The place everyone in the family worked: the flower shop. But damn, with all these flowers, it was hard to breathe, and if she knew that she smelled like a mixture of sweat and jasmine, with a little more sweat and of roses. Ew. She sighed and gave a thoughtful half smile to the flowers, pitting them for being forced to stay in one place forever. She turned from the daisies and walked behind the counter and put her legs up on the desk as she got a magazine out to re read. Her eyes couldn't focus. It was a heavy day and asking Kami-sama for a cool breeze today seemed like asking for salvation from the thousand year war. Seriously, it's what it felt like. So, the pretty little blonde wasn't up to anything. It wasn't a crime. But snuggling up in her bed…the thought of it made her sweat extra. Ino quickly glanced at the clock. It was nearing four in the afternoon. She made enough money that day to last her the week, so satisfied, she decided it was closin' time. Grabbing the keys from the little bowl on the table, she swung her legs off, and went to the flower shops front door. She flipped the closed sign and locked it. She started to jog to the back of the flower shop and up the stairs that led into the house. It was time for a quick shower and then…Ino stopped to think about that for a moment on that stairs. When nothing came to her, she shrugged and jogged the rest of the way. She could think about that after a nice cold shower.

Ah, Ino sighed as she stared at herself in the mirror. Naturally beautiful. She never liked wearing a lot of make up; firm believer it would mask who you really are and promoted low self esteem. In other words, girls that wore make up were never happy with themselves and they way they looked. But Ino wasn't like that. She had sun bleached long blond hair, piercing blue eyes, a small nose and sexy lips. All she ever wore of make up was a little mascara just to open her eyes a bit. She cocked her head in the mirror and the towel that was wrapped around her head like a turban, began to fall off. Ino quickly fixed it and wrapped a bigger towel around her wet body. She put on a couple creams on her face to keep it soft and clean, and then satisfied made her way out of the bathroom.

Ino walked out of the bathroom and entered her room. She had her eyes closed for a moment, trying to picture what her room had looked like last week, before the huge re-decoration. The door swung open and a smile spread across Ino's face. Then she opened her eyes. And screamed. Sitting on her bed was the male version of herself, looking through her diary.

_He totally stole my hairdo! THAT THIEF! _She thought upon instinct. It then registered to her that a GUY was reading her DIARY and was sitting on her BED. He also wore HER hairdo, and that Akatsuki cape. But screw the Akatsuki cape, this strange, really young and hot, she might add, guy was reading her diary. Fuck Akatsuki, he just made a death wish.

Ino stormed in front of him and grabbed the diary out of his hands, startling him. The guy looked up at her, slightly confused with a hint of a pout forming on his face.

"But it was just getting good, yeah," came the pout.

"WHO THE FUCK! GAVE YOU! PERMISSION TO ENTER MY HOUSE AND READ MY FUCKING DIARY!" Ino yelled her brains out. The guy winced in auditory pain.

"Sorry, hmm."

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to recollect herself, Ino slowly raised her hand and pointed to the door, "Leave."

"Nuh, sorry, can't do that, yeah," he said, smirking.

"AND WHY THE FUCK NOT!?" She yelled again. Another wince in auditory pain. He swore, if he didn't go deaf from her, then God had blessed him with eternal hearing abilities. He seriously doubted that though.

"Look girl, chill. You Yamanaka Ino, yeah?" he asked. Ino stopped, slightly confused herself and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Ugh, yeah why?"

"Well, babes…" the man got an eye twitch for that, "I was ordered to come kidnap you. Let's go, un."

Ino laughed a little, "You're kidding right?"

The blonde shook his head.

"Okay, one, what's your name?"

"Deidara."

"Two, why me?"

"You're sexy?" came the unsure reply.

"Yes okay. I totally buy that you were sent on a mission to kidnap me because I'm so gorgeous," Ino rolled her eyes, "Spill it."

"Ugh… fine…yeah" but he trailed off and got up from the bed and walked to the window whistling.

"Let me stab the dark, this isn't a mission," she gave a smug smile.

"No, un…"

"Then? Oh high and mighty Akatsuki member, Deidara-sama, why did you choose to come here and kidnap me…if that's what this is supposed to be…"

Deidara gave a small laugh and turned around. Leaning on the window sill, he gave a huge smile.

"What? What's so funny?" Ino demanded.

"You're still in your towel."

Ino reddened. And the towel slipped.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Two cups of coffee and a lot of cookies later, Ino and Deidara were sitting opposite each other in the kitchen. Glaring.

"I still don't see why you had to kick me in the balls. It's your damn fault you were in the towel to begin with."

"Meh," Ino shrugged, "You deserved it."

Deidara shook his head and took another sip at the third coffee. This woman, she was gorgeous, smart, strong, funny, outgoing, yet highly depressed and to herself. A fucking labyrinth. It's what drew him to her in the first place. She had her own sparkling aura not many other girls had. Actually none he'd met so far. Okay, truth to be told, this was Ino's father's idea. Sadly, the Hokage had accepted it, and so had Pein-sama. Plan? Well it started out that Deidara had to get a subordinate since Sakura had killed Sasori. But everyone appointed drove Deidara mad and crazy, and the women subordinates chosen for him were basically sex toys. So, they decided that Deidara had to get his OWN subordinate, all by his freakin self, as Pein put it in the last full meeting they had. Ugh, just thinking about made Deidara's stomach churn. He had been given six months to find the suitable subordinate or he was to be kicked out of Akatsuki.

A small flashback occurred as Deidara sipped his coffee and stared out the window.

The meeting had just disbanded and while everyone else took flight, Deidara walked alone out of the hide out and into the forest. After an hour's of solitary walk, he jumped into the trees and started running. He ran, jumped, ran some more. Finally the woods broke clear as a huge path came into view. He jumped down and looked both ways, then choosing south, went down the road. A couple hours later, he saw a blonde girl running right past him, giggling, followed by a short pink haired girl and another girl, this one with long blue berry colored hair. All giggling, having fun. Holding his straw hat to not fly off, he turned his head after the blonde. She seemed so carefree, running so perfectly. With a smirk, Deidara concealed his chakra and started to follow them. Ever since, for six months, he had been watching her. Her smile, her anger out bursts, her overall caring, her love for art, her aggressiveness, and most of all, her huge ninja potential. She was already an ANBU member. However, in Deidara's eyes, she could become the greatest female ninja to ever live. He felt somewhat of a stalker. But she was captivating, and as the memories rushed past, the only regret he had was not being with her when she gave that enchanting smile, and not being the reason behind it. So he liked her? Crime? No.

A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his day dream. He looked at it then up at its owner. Ino gave a small smile, a giggle resounding through his brain, echoing, entrancing. A look of daze and confusion befell him, and it obviously amused her.

"You're kinda sexy when you're in thought, Dei-kun," he heard her say and smiled.

Now how to tell her?

Deidara turned his head after the girl and watched her make even more coffee. An unnerving smile formed on his face. Yeah hell he would've LIKED that to have been to the "plan". The only "plan" was that he had to freaking baby sit her while her parents were gone talking to her uncle, Pein. They'd be gone a year, and Deidara got the job of making sure that nothing happened to Pein's beloved niece. Great. She was seventeen. She didn't NEED a babysitter. But damn, he has to do what Pein orders him to, and the Hokage agreed. No one really knows why, but he did remember Itachi saying… "she cackled evily, then abruptly stopped, cleared her throat dismissed me, and when I was out the door, just when back to her evil laughing…strange woman…"

Deidara shook his head. Well the next step was telling her, "Hey Ino, your uncle Pein, yes the same one that tried killing Naruto, and the one that killed Gaara, and the one planning to dominate the world, gave me the job of babysitting you while your parents were out talking to him. So I'll be crashing at your place for another year. Cool right?"

Eh no. There was no way in hell. But he had to. Damn it, he just had to, or Tsunade would do it for him, and then cackle evily again. Deidara gave an anime sweatdrop. If he didn't know any better he'd think that this was… Again, Deidara shook his head. No it couldn't be that. No way.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"So…" Ino plopped onto the couch, "How far are you in getting together your explanation as to why you're still here?"

She looked up at him, and followed him with her head as he moved past her and again sat opposite of her in the arm chair. Deidara sunk into the chair himself, closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"I can tell you the truth, but you'll probably get such an anger outburst that I'd have to chain you down so you wouldn't kill your parents and the Hokage." Deidara finally said.

Eyes widended, "You're gonna marry me!?" she screamed incredulously.

"No…no I'm not."

A sigh of relief, "Well anything that's not as bad as that is okay I guess, besides you coming to kill me, but having said that my parents and the Hokage are involved, I don't see how it can be murder."

"Well I can give you MY version, which is half way true, and the real truth. What do you want to hear first?" he looked at her, his eyes floating with the indecision and his face carried the truth's awful burden that seemed to twist in a disappointing half smile.

"What's worse?" Ino winced.

"The truth…" Deidara stated obviously, but winced as well.

Ino nodded, "Gimme your version…"

Deidara licked his lips, "Okay, since Sakura killed Sasori, I need a new subordinate. I was given six months to find one and you're perfect, but there's a catch. I need to live with you, either here or in the Akatsuki base, for a year before you become full fledged…" he took a deep breath.

Ino waited a moment, "Where do my parents and the Hokage come in?" she asked.

"They agreed to let you join Akatsuki without seeing it as betrayal to your country; in other words, Konoha is still your home and you're still a ninja here."

Ino nodded and muttered "ah" under her breath. She looked up at him after a moment of staring at the ground, "Truth?" she asked, her face twisted in pain.

"Well," another deep breath, "You know why your family is the only one able to kill Pein, our leader?" he asked.

"Um yeah, he's my uncle. My dad's brother. Our family's true potential is sealed, and if unsealed, we could basically destroy the world, it's that powerful. It's a taboo in our family however. Pein unsealed it and was kicked out of the clan, which is why he created Akatsuki." Ino stated like she was reading from a textbook.

Again, Deidara nodded.

"Your uncle simply adores you. Remember that." Ino nodded in acknowledgement of the fact.

"Okay," he began as he took his cloak off of him and revealed his toned muscles and sculpted chest. Ino's breath hitched for a moment and simply stared at him. His eyebrows furrowed in question, but she shook her head and he shrug her gaze off as nothing.

"Your parents went to visit Pein and he agreed to establish a treaty with Konoha if this 'talk' went well. However, to keep his beloved niece in maximum security, he wanted one of the members to stay with you. In this house. For a year."

"I like your version better." Ino said after a moment after the horror of having a babysitter sunk in.

"Thought you might," Deidara looked away.

After a moment, Ino turned her head back to him as if a thought just occurred to her that could change the course of history.

"Deidara-san, you never answered though…"

"What?" he asked confused.

"Why were you reading my diary?"

------------------------------------------------------

"WHAT!?" Sakura screamed in disbelief as she stared at the Hokage who had a huge evil grin plastered onto her face.

"Yup, you heard me. Itachi, come here." Sakura's gawking gaze slowly turned from her evil highness to the door on her left that slowly opened as a Sasuke look alike walked in.

"Oh if it isn't -I-plot-the-destruction-of-the-world-oh-so-secretly-and-when-it's-done-I'll-be-it's-new-queen-" he smirked at his own sarcasm and Sakura couldn't help but give a snort at it too. Tsunade's eye twitched in annoyance.

"Itachi, please escort your new _friend _to her home. AND STAY THERE!" she yelled.

"You have NO idea how awkward this is, do you?" Itachi just looked at her, "I'm going to live with a girl that's about eight years younger and that's in love with my brother."

"Well she better fall in love with you, great charmer, or I'll kick your ass."

A smirk, "I'd like to see you try."

"Are you displaying emotion?" Sakura looked at him, still in shock.

"Come on, it's okay, I'll get you some water on the way home. Shh, the shock should wear off in, about, hmm, I don't know, another year…"

"That woman needs help," Sakura muttered under her breath as she let Itachi escort her out of Tsunade's office.

Tsunade just smirked as she heard Sakura mumble, "but I understand Deidara and Ino… I mean she's the niece…why me too? Just why me…why you… I don't get it…"

At this point, she really did sound mentally insane. Tsunade gave a laugh as she heard Itachi's response, "Trust me, I don't either, I'm just doing as instructed…"

_Oh, but you do know Itachi, you know perfectly well. You signed this piece of paper that proves you know exactly what this is about. Now how long will it take before you let it happen, or tell her about it, and MAKE it happen? _Tsunade wondered her amused eyes boring into the scroll that was sealed ten years ago, on that fateful day when the Uchiha family was killed. That pact, that deal… finally…the time had come…

"Hm…" Tsunade rolled her chair around to face the window and stood up.

_Let the babysitter fiasco BEGIN! _ And in her mind, confetti was flying all over, and the trumpets were announcing a beginning as a huge sign was being put up.

Of course in the real world, it was just a blaring hot day.

--------------------------------------------------------

FINITO! Please read and review and tell me your thoughts.

Please.

Thank you...

This was 2,781 words without the author's note, written in literally 3 hours. Most of it from 11pm to 1am, and editing and corrections took another hour.

I'm not perfect and I suck at spelling so any correction that I didn't make...it's the aliens fault, I swear.


End file.
